YEAH!!!!!

The pregnancy tests all indicate that yes, I'm pregnant! However, since I had a miscarriage as far as 6 1/2 weeks along I don't want to get my hopes up to much but I still can't help but be excited about it all! I'm still going to my thyroid ultrasound on Friday and I'm going to see Dr. B for the test results of both my breast ultrasound (done on Oct22) and this thyroid ultrasound at which point I'm going to ask to do a pregnany test because I want to know for sure. At that time, if all goes well according to God's plan, I'll be about 6 or so weeks along. I'm sooooo excited. I have told my parents and my sister already but other than that we haven't said anything to anybody else because we would like to wait till 12 weeks with this one.
I weighed myself at the Public Health Unit today and did NOT like the reading...it said that I was 215lbs! Which totally sucks...I blame it on the halloween candy that I bought last thursday and that I've indulged in.

Exciting News?!?!?! Oh I hope so!

The wedding has come and gone and I have not lost any weight. Infact, I may have gained some. I don't know for sure. I have about 2 weeks ago, had a complete physical and I'm booked for a thyroid ultrasound on November, 2, 2007. I still have to do bloodwork yet too but it's fasting and I'm not sure when I'll get to that yet.

Adoption has been put to the side for now. Infact, we may have closed that door completely as the government won't deal with normal babies any more and will often send them to private adoptions which we don't agree with because we don't think that we should have to pay for a baby that needs a home and that we are (or could be) perfect candidates for them. Dylan's dad was also adopted and with what has been going on with him (or what we've been finding out) doesn't make us want to adopt to quickly.

On another note...I took a pregancy test this evening...just out of curiousity...but it was "slightly and faintly" pink in the test line and the control line was it's usual boldness. I don't think I should have drank so much pop etc before doing the test. I wasn't thinking about that obviously. I don't want to get my hopes up but I can't sleep. (Not just because of it but for other reasons too.) The other reason that I don't want to get my hopes up is that I took the test from a dollarstore pregnancy test and even though the package says 99% accurate for a buck I don't want to get too excited. I will let you know though.
Please pray that it is correct!!

The pregnancy ticker is just an estimation from my 31 day cycle (not the 28th) With the 31 day cycle the EDC is July 7, 2008
and the 28 day cycle the EDC is July 4, 2008

I'm going to try to go to bed now.

Help me get my butt into gear!

Well another disappointment for this month. I was 6 days late with my period this month. I'm very bummed about it. Yet on the other hand I know that I need to kick butt and loose a bunch of weight before Dylan's sister's wedding on October 20, 2007. Tomorrow, I'm going to walk to the public health unit and get myself weighted again and then I want to majorly kick butt and loose weight. I need loose 14 pounds before than.

Needing an extra boost.

I just can't get motivated. I need an extra boost. I need to dust off the ab roller that I had put away before holidays (in July) and I need to buy a good pair of walking shoes and I just need to get up and do it. What is IT? Good question. It is exercise and watching what I'm eating. I have to write down what I eat... maybe that will help. As of tomorrow...I MUST WRITE DOWN EVERY MORSEL OF FOOD THAT ENTERS MY MOUTH! NO EXCUSES! Besides my daily paper route that takes me an hour to walk fast/run slowly. I need to do MORE! I thought I would write it down so that EVERYBODY that reads this can help me. Hopefully someone is out there and can help me. I'm embarrassed to tell my friends what I'm doing...especially on the Internet! Anyway, My friend, Sheryl and I weighted and measured ourselves back on July 20th. We also took pictures of ourselves for added incentives...here's the picture...for now. Maybe...When I feel more confident I will post the measurements.

Weight Goals

Well the wedding is October 20, 2007. I would like to loose about 1-2 lbs a week and I would like to weigh myself every 1 -2 weeks as well. Loosing 1-2 lbs a week would mean that I would loose between 13-26lbs from this week to the wedding week. That would make me between 196-183 lbs! Well that is the goal and I would like to start with that.

I forgot one thing!!!

I have to get serious about losing weight now. Dylan's sister, is getting married in October and I want to be able to see myself in the future on those family pictures feeling alot more confident then I do right now. I've even got some books from weight watchers to help me even more. I have a friend and she's going to help me as well. Actually, we are going to be a support system together.

Not Much Going on Here....

I just wanted to update you and give you an update on the weight loss. I weighed myself this morning and found out that I'm 209 lbs. (Last week after coming back from holidays I had weighed myself and felt discouraged because I had gained weight to 215lbs and therefore I was happy to see that I went down again after our holidays.)

Honest Ramblings and Rantings

I must admit that as the month goes on, I get more and more discouraged. Is God trying to tell us that we can't handle more than one child? I have to admit that I'm starting to prepare myself that Rebekah, our sweet miracle baby, will be our one and only. I'm sad that if that is the case, she won't have any siblings to grow up with.

We had alot of company/parties for her 2 year old birthday. I think we did it mainly because we are coming to grips with the fact that every year is precious and she will only turn 2 once in her life.

Today, was the last of the parties. I had some friends over and I have to admit that I was VERY overwhelmed. There was 15 KIDS ranging in age from 4 years to 2 months and 6 moms (I'm including Rebekah and myself there) I'm not used to that many kids and that much crying, running, eating, whining, etc. Was God trying to tell me that I couldn't handle another one? Is that why I miscarried a baby 17 months ago? Because I wouldn't have been able to handle it? Was it because I couldn't handle it and God knew that? or is God trying to tell me that I have to trust in Him more? I don't want to doubt God and what his plan is for our lives but I'm quite frankly upset that there are so many kids that are having kids or aborting kids. I'm also upset with the Government for having to tell us that unless we want a FAS or other severely disabled child we then need to go thru a private adoption that STARTS OUT at around $10,000!!! Why do we have to pay for a child? I don't think that's fair to the child! Why are all my friends having 3 or more kids and I do not? I'm I that terrible of a person? I'm crying out because I don't know what else to do any more. A friend of mine miscarried in March and that is ALL she talks about and quite frankly I'm getting sick and tired of it. I know that she needs to talk about it but I have to admit that it isn't fair to talk about it all the time! It seems that because she talks about it ALOT more than I do that hers seems to be worse and I disagree! There is no miscarriage that is easier than another. She also has 2 kids! and really doesn't have any problems about getting pregnant to begin with. Another friend and her hubby had problems getting pregnant the 1st time and now they have 3 children and "they" plan to have another and they plan to be pregnant by the end of the summer...I dispise this kind of talk! Are they forgetting that it could take time? That they themselves had problems and took them over a year to get pregnant the 1st time but that the other 2 kids came along with no problems and no waiting....WHY AM I WAITING LORD!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

I have been trying to loose weight to get my mind off of the whole infertility issue but I find it hard because...what if I'm pregnant? I don't want to harm the baby! I have lost a total of 15 pounds since last June (June of 2006). So to me I think that is excellant news.

I should go and try to sleep. I'm sorry for my little rant. I do apologize. I hope that you have a great time until the next post!

A quick weight update...

Rebekah and I walked to the public health unit a minute so that I could so my 2 week weigh in.
May 25/07: 210.5lbs at PHU.

It's been awhile...

I don't have much to say...
I haven't weighed myself in like forever...ok it was almost 2 weeks ago and I was 211lbs on May 11/07. I haven't changed much since the time before...ok maybe a little bit. Anyway, I plan and hope to weigh myself this week some time.
My friend, Sheryl called this morning and she is ready to start working together to loose weight (a support system really). She had a baby at the beginning of April and is now ready to get started again. We had started to do it last year in June but that was short lived because she found out that she was pregnant. I can't wait for that for the extra support and encouragement!
On the adoption front. Not much going on there. Dylan and I can't come up with any solutions or agreements so we are still discussing it.
Hope you all had a marvelous weekend and we will chat again soon!

Soap Opera or a Talk Show

Sometimes I think that my life could very well be on a soap opera or a talk show. Long story short, Dylan's Mom (My MIL) discovered (while my FIL) is in the hospital that he has been lying to her for 29 years of marriage. He was hiding cash and racking up bills. He even came to us in 2003 asking for money stating it was for RRSP's but now we found out that he had a different sort of problem...like 3 different chequeing accounts and several outstanding bills (Visas and Loans-yes that's plural as in more that one or two. I can't believe that he would do this to his wife! He even stated that he may need to work not telling her that he had problems as in not giving her the exact amount on his cheques and racking up the bills he had sent to another location (his handicapped brothers house). Dylan is feeling betrayed and hurt and I don't blame him. Dylan comments frequent that Mom should leave Dad but she doesn't have anything to her name...the house is even in his name only with 2 advances on it. Dylan's mom approached him in the hospital yesterday and she asked him if he believed that he was in a happy marriage for 29 years. He said no and had no expression the whole time they were talking. No crying, no apologies no nothing. I'm devastated... what kind of example is that for his children?

Went to the health unit the scale I use normally (except for the last entry) and I was 210.5 lbs yesterday (April 27).

The going ons of recently...

Dylan's dad had a stroke this past tuesday. They are saying that maybe that he had one a week before. (which makes sense because that's when he started getting the symptoms of left sided numbness) He's still in the hospital.
On a brighter note, I went to my doctor on tuesday and I weighed myself and I'm now 209 1/2lbs! I can finally wear some clothes that I haven't been able to wear since before Rebekah was born. I'm so ecstatic!

Disappointment-Again

The social worker for infant adoptions came today and basically it's not looking good. We don't want a special needs child and we also would like to have a child that is younger than Rebekah. Special needs basically means Fetal alcohol or drug effected children. We right now aren't quite ready for that just yet in our lives. I honestly don't know if I can handle it. I do know that they need a home so maybe I could come to grips with that soon.

Dylan and I haven't talked about anything just yet... we are both in serious thought right now. The social worker also suggested that we take additional courses and do research on Fetal alcohol or drug effected babies etc. She also had suggested that we maybe do RESPITE care for foster familes that take care of special needs children.

Are only other option is to go thru a Private Adoption agency...which Dylan refuses to do. He has a point...why should we pay for a child? It's just wrong. You don't buy a child. Another point he made was that we want strictly NO CONTACT with the birth family. We are the parents. The child when s/he is old enough and longs and desires to know and meet his/her birth parents we will help them out in all that we can but we are the child's parents and we don't want to confuse the child with mixed messages. Some private adoption agency want to to pay for counselling for the birth mother and to me that is just wrong. Why should we have to pay for that? The decision was up to her and she made the choices not us.

Are hands are tied at the moment and we are at another loss. Is this a sign from God that we are only to have one child? Our miracle child are real true miracle child. Our gift from God himself? I have to admit that since that meeting on Saturday, I have been slowly trying to come to grips with the fact that we are probably never going to have any more children (either natural or by adoption). Just my way of thinking that maybe we have to realize that what we want isn't what God wants.

Adoption Update

Dylan and I were sapposed to have a social worker come and visit us on the 19th of April but she has since called and asked if we could get together at our house this coming Saturday. I'm really nervous. I'm not sure why...I have nothing to hide. I think it's just the fact that we are taking another step in this whole adoption procedure.

I have to admit that I was nervous about adopting partially because my parents are not really for it. My parents are actually quite "old school" about it and of course they have never heard any good stories come out only the bad stories about how the kid resents his adoptive parents or is a rebel and turns to drugs or alcohol to get over his feelings etc, etc. Dylan's parents are ok with the idea. Dylan's dad was adopted so that makes their view point alot easier too. I, however, think that Dylan's dad (my FIL) deep down resents his birth parents for giving him up...although he will never admit to it.

I had a really excellant talk with my sister this past week about adoption too. My sister's friend, Denise and her hubby adopted 2 kids after they had 3 kids of their own. Denise has such a positive outlook on it and I'm glad that she is there as an example. Denise had said to my sister that we are all adopted by Jesus so that gave me a new perspective of the whole adoption issue. She had also said that she is helping only 2 of the many MANY children that don't have a home, an example of a family and someone to tuck them into bed and love them. That sure made me think in a positive way about adoption. Now I just have to think of explaining it to my parents...

Weigh in: 212lbs-April 11, 2007

The Obstacles in Life

I know that we all have different obstacles in life and I wanted to share mine. My name is Sarah and I've been married to my hubby Dylan for 6 years. We have together an adorable girl named Rebekah who is 22 months old.

Dylan and I have had our share of problems in life. We got married "young" to start a family. I was 20 when we got married and Dylan was 22. But God had other plans for us. We were told it was medically impossible for us to have children. Dylan had varicose veins in his scrotum that needed to be surgically removed and shortly after that they realized that my prolactin levels were elevated, so I was put on Bromocriptine. The fertility doctor and our family doctor kept telling us that we were young and that we still had time...blah blah blah...I don't care how old you are a person going thru this ordeal does NOT want to be hearing that.

After hearing that we thought that our next option was adoption. So we had a 3 hour class, 1 day a week for 6 weeks for parent prep in April 2004. We had done all the necessary steps to get this adoption running and then we had to wait for our home evaluation which apparently there was a shortage of these workers around here and thus the wait. We were still waiting when we realized that we were pregnant that fall. I was due with Rebekah in June, 2005! Our prayers were answered!

In January 2006, our world was rocked yet again. I had a miscarriage. I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and I was devastated. Friends of ours, who had a son 2 weeks before our daughter, was going to have another child a month before this last one should have been born. And since January 2006, nothing. Dylan's single sisters both could have children and have no problems with infertility. It tore my heart. We have decided that maybe we should try to adopt again. I this time around am a little nervous about it. What happens if Rebekah asks questions? I've also heard so many negative adoptions experiences and I'm quite upset by that too. What happens if that child that we adopt, turns its back on us and resents us and causes us more grief in the future? I am at a loss and not sure what to do on that issue any more.

Then there's the topic of weight loss. When I was married I weighed 145 lbs and when I realized I was first pregnant with Rebekah I was 205lbs. After having her and breastfeeding I managed to keep and get some weight off but after I quit breastfeeding I gained. BIG TIME. My heaviest that I was at after Rebekah has been 225 lbs(That was what I was at full term with her!) Currently, I am 213.5 lbs...(I hesitate to say that but I don't know you and I don't plan on posting pictures of me for awhile:)

So I hope that you will enjoy and maybe help me learn from my obstacles in life that have been placed before me.