I'm thrilled! The 1st week went with a bang! I went down 4.5lbs! I'm currently 221.5 but this week I've run low on some of my Herbalife products and I need to get some more...I know that with the results that I've seen I'm certain that I can get down little by little. I'm just waiting for payday. ;-)
I have also started to do the videos and DVD that I have for at home workouts for Walk Away the Pounds and just yesterday I picked up my 1st copy of Taebo with Billy Blanks and today I tried it! I thought that with my handful of Walk away the Pounds and this Taebo videos that I'd have enough variety. I don't want to get bored!
I have noticed that I have more energy during the day and I'm grateful for that!
Thanks for stopping by and please drop me a line!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
A Change in Mind...
Ofter the recent miscarriage that we have suffered, Dylan and I have decided that we should go on a cruise. We were planning on going on a cruise for our 10th anniversary but decided that maybe we should just go away the 2 of us soon. We have never been on a cruise before and I'm getting excited just thinking about it. I haven't thought about what we are going to do with the kids or anything yet and we above all need to apply for our passports still.
Since we have decided to look into going on a cruise, I have also mentioned that ideally I would like to loose weight again. We are planning on going in the Spring and if that is the case, that gives me some time. I'm currently 223lbs this morning and even though my goal is to be 73lbs lighter, I know that that goal is a bit far fetched since I'm a little pressed for time. I'm happy with getting to even 180lbs for the trip. (So that's 43lbs in 5 months...do you think that I can do it?) I sure hope so!
Monday, November 9, 2009
A Very Heavy Heart
***Warning: Could be too much information...Viewer reading is advised****
It has been a terrible last part of October. It's a long story that started on Thursday Oct 22 and "ended" on Oct 27th. Our baby is gone. I'm out of the hospital with no baby inside of me and no baby in my arms but the other 2 children are not to far off to give them a hug...which I've been doing ALOT lately. If I can find the strength to update you on what went on, I will but for some reason this miscarriage is taking me awhile to "get over". This is our 3rd miscarriage but as I have mentioned before we do have 2 healthy children that I must focus on.
Update:
It all started on October 22nd. I was booked for my 1st Dr's appointment that morning at 10am and was super excited to be going but the Dr's office called at 9am saying that my Dr wasn't going to be in that day and so they rebooked me for Oct 26th. I was disappointed but really what could I have done? I was 12 weeks and 4 days.
That night, I was going to a Graffiti party at a friend's house. While I was there...I felt a little off. I don't know how to describe it other than I knew something wasn't quite right. I left there and thought I would get ready for bed. As I was getting ready for bed I realized I was spotting. My heart sank and I knew I wasn't going to sleep so I told Dylan that I was heading into the local hospital just out of precaution and hopefully to be reassured. I really wanted to hear a heartbeat. That always reassures me.
At the hospital the lady Dr that was on call, did some blood work but apparently didn't do any HCG levels on me. They just checked my iron and I had to do a urine sample because I had done a pregnancy test at the Dr's office and because it wasn't one that in the lab records they needed to be sure that I was pregnant. The lady Dr. was not sure if it was a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy and booked a ultrasound at the RD Hospital for 1pm the next day...Dylan's birthday. They told me to be on strict bed rest and not to lift Tyler especially.
That Friday, Oct 23rd, also Dylan's birthday, Dylan went into his work but came home at 9:30am to watch the children so that I could go to the ultrasound. I was really nervous the whole time. The ultrasound technician took me into the room and started doing the ultrasound. She didn't say anything and so I thought I would ask what the heart rate was for the baby. She looked at me with concern in her face and asked me if I had done a HCG blood work recently. I said no and then asked again, "What is my baby's heart rate and who do I see for these test results?" She responded with "I'm sorry, I don't see any sign of a fetus in your uterus. I'm sorry. I would like to do an internal ultrasound just to make sure. I suggest that you go back to your local hospital and see a dr there. They should have told you what to do after the ultrasound and who to see for test results." She was very gentle and kind and the look on her face pretty much said it all. I didn't comprehend it at 1st. I asked her "Can I see my baby on the screen?" I only asked this because with Rebekah and Trevor, they had tilted the screen so that I could see it. "I'm sorry, there is no baby that I can see." I was shocked. I started crying and I couldn't stop. She had left to show the radiologist and make sure that she got enough pictures and came back to say that I could go. I had stopped crying at this point and as I was walking in the hallways of the RD Hospital to leave and Dylan called my cellphone. That's when I found a small nook in the hallway and went in there and told him..."They can't find the baby..." Dylan asked what that meant and I said that they had suggested that I had a miscarriage or it was an ectopic pregnancy. I went to the van and cried. I couldn't control it. I had not seen any baby come out...just clots. I wasn't thoroughly convinced of the diagnosis but was upset with not being able to hear the heartbeat to reassure me. I drove back to the local hospital with tears on my cheeks. The u/s technician wanted me to go back there and get a blood work done for HCG and to chat with the Dr on call there about the test results of the ultrasound.
I got to the local hospital and they poked me for more bloodwork and spoke with my family Dr. who had asked me to come back at 5:30pm for the test results of the HCG and the ultrasound. I was shocked but wanted to get home to Dylan. At this point, I was not spotting but all I had was brown clots but no new blood. Dylan and I dropped off Rebekah and Trevor at a friend's house and we proceeded to go to the local hospital. When we got there, the HCG wasn't back but he told us that he would call us with those results. If the blood work was elevated, I most likely had an ectopic pregnancy and if there was nothing then I had miscarried. The Dr told me what the u/s tech had told me so there was nothing new there either. We went home. It was a really long weekend because I wasn't supposed to leave town in case I had severe bleeding or cramping, it was also long because the Dr didn't call us with the test results of the blood work.
Sunday, Oct 25th, I had gone to the bathroom and realized that after all weekend of small brown clots, I was now officially bleeding with clots but with no cramping. I thought I should go to bed and try to sleep. I woke up at 1:30am with severe cramping and of course lots of bleeding. I woke up Dylan and told him I was going in to the local hospital. Of course, by the time I got there, there was only one nurse and she was helping another couple. By the time that she helped me (she was incredibly slow!!!) the computers in the region were down for regular maintenance and because of that they couldn't get the test results and therefore couldn't give me anything for the pain either. The computers where down from 2am-4am. I was hooked up to an IV and waited, waited and waited. The Dr on call, came to see me at 7:30am and said that he was leaving me in the care of my family Dr who came to make rounds that morning yet but would give me some medicine for the pain. Finally at 8:30am my family Dr came into the room. He told me that my blood work from Friday was still elevated and ordered the lab tech to do another blood work for HCG. After that he told me that he spoke with a gynecologist in another City and was sending me to RD Hospital to do yet another ultrasound and to see the Dr there. So I was loaded into the ambulance and Dylan and kids left to go home get a couple things and then leave to meet me at the RD Hospital. I got there just after 10am and waited....the cramping stopped again and my bleeding was slowing down at this point. The Resident, who was EXCELLENT and will make a terrific Dr, came into see me 1st because the Dr was busy but this way things would be sped up. So I told my story AGAIN, (at this point I was really sick of telling it over and over and over!) The Resident, did an internal and pelvic exam and then the Dr came in. They also got the HCG results from earlier that morning also. They were still elevated but were going down...slowly. After discussing with the Resident (which was interesting because we actually learned along with him) the Dr then decided to do an ultrasound. He came back with an ultrasound machine and said to Rebekah, "If there is nothing in your Mommy's tummy then she's going home now but if there is something in there...we're keeping her for awhile." (Dylan had dropped off Trevor at a another friend's house but Rebekah wanted to see me in the hospital.) As the Dr was doing the ultrasound, he was showing us my kidneys, bladder, my fibroid in my uterus (which I vaguely remember being told I had one), and then there was a sack. He looked at Rebekah and said, "Looks like your Mom is going to be staying with us a little longer." I thought I saw a spine because it was long and white. but for the most part I could not make out anything else. By this time, I had cried so much, no tears were coming. The Dr gave me a towel to wipe my stomach, and sat down on the chair. "It's not an ectopic pregnancy. You have an incomplete miscarriage. You have 2 choices at this time. The 1st one is that I give you a vaginal pill that you must give to yourself and you will most likely be bleeding for 2 more weeks and then we do another ultrasound to make sure it's all out. If not, then we schedule a D&C. Or your 2nd choice is that we do a D&C." He looked at me and said "With your history of low iron, and what your iron level was with the last blood drawn, I believe that the 2nd option would be the best but the decision is ultimately yours." Dylan and I discussed it and went for the D&C option. I was scheduled for 8pm that night. I was moved into another room in the ER and at 6:30pm, I was transferred to the Surgical Short Stay Unit. Darryl came shortly after that. While Dylan's mom came and stayed over night with the kids at our house (she did stop in at the RD Hospital while I was in the ER to chat with me and then went to our house.) One nurse gave me a little package that they give to out to people who have lost babies with miscarriages. It was a nice little package with a hat, scarf and booties and some information on miscarriages and how to "cope" with them and other useful information. I was scheduled for 8pm and would mostly be going home that night still. Again, I waited and waited. Dylan left at 9:30pm because he had to work the next day, Tuesday, because he took part of Friday off and Monday. The nurse came in at 10:30pm and said that my surgery was still on and that they would probably just squeeze me in still that night. Not even 20 minutes later, another nurse came in carrying water. "I bring water and sad news...your surgery is cancelled and we don't know when your surgery will be rebooked tomorrow. I could be in the morning or afternoon, It's whenever they can get you in. So you can eat for one hour and then that's it. I'm sorry." Finally I was allowed to eat. I hadn't eaten since Sunday night and I was so hungry! I had a roommate, Carla, that was hearing impaired so she talked rather loudly and she was buzzing the nurses every hour but besides that I slept better then the night before.
The next morning came, Oct 27th, I had a shower (a big pain with an IV attached to you. I was also on my 5th bag of IV too.) and started to wonder the halls of the hospital. I was so bored and if I stayed in my room I just ended up thinking about the could of, should have and would have's and I was tired of crying and thinking and dwelling on the last few days. I thought I would find a magazine but because of the H1N1, they got rid of all their magazines. I went back to the room and waited again. I called Dylan and told him that I wasn't done yet and that they weren't sure when I was going to be done. Finally at 10:45am, I heard the phone ring at the nurses station and the nurses being told to get me ready for surgery. I went to the bathroom and got on the bed and they took me down to the OR. A nurse came and talked to me and then the anesthesiologist also. The Dr was supposed to talk with me too before the surgery but he didn't because he was late. The nurses got me prepped and ready and the anesthesiologist also. The phone in the OR room rang and then the nurse said to the other nurse, "He's coming down the elevator." I don't remember too much after that. They were right the surgery didn't take that long. I remember waking up and seeing the clock read 12:05pm. By the time, I was back on the Short Stay Unit it was closer to 1pm. Finally at 2pm the nurse said, is there someone we can call for you. I told them, yes, my hubby and so we called him. But because he was in Edmonton, the soonest that he would be there would be shortly after 4pm. I was feeling really well. One nurse on shift said that I shouldn't lift Trevor for one week but the discharge papers didn't say anything like that. I was discharged from the hospital at 5pm and couldn't wait to go home. I had alot of time to think in the hospital. Even though we don't know why it happened. I had a peace about it. I knew that my Baby was in Heaven and for that I was excited. I have had some people ask if we are going to try for another one. I don't like this question. It's not in our hands! I have no say in that! This is our 3rd miscarriage and because it seems to be alternating with us having children, there is nothing that they can do for us. I do have 2 beautiful and healthy children that I must focus on right now and I have one of each gender. My heart is heavy but I'm at peace on what went on and even though I don't understand the reasoning behind it, I AM AT PEACE with it.
2 Corinthians 1:3&4 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."James 1: 2-8
It has been a terrible last part of October. It's a long story that started on Thursday Oct 22 and "ended" on Oct 27th. Our baby is gone. I'm out of the hospital with no baby inside of me and no baby in my arms but the other 2 children are not to far off to give them a hug...which I've been doing ALOT lately. If I can find the strength to update you on what went on, I will but for some reason this miscarriage is taking me awhile to "get over". This is our 3rd miscarriage but as I have mentioned before we do have 2 healthy children that I must focus on.
Update:
It all started on October 22nd. I was booked for my 1st Dr's appointment that morning at 10am and was super excited to be going but the Dr's office called at 9am saying that my Dr wasn't going to be in that day and so they rebooked me for Oct 26th. I was disappointed but really what could I have done? I was 12 weeks and 4 days.
That night, I was going to a Graffiti party at a friend's house. While I was there...I felt a little off. I don't know how to describe it other than I knew something wasn't quite right. I left there and thought I would get ready for bed. As I was getting ready for bed I realized I was spotting. My heart sank and I knew I wasn't going to sleep so I told Dylan that I was heading into the local hospital just out of precaution and hopefully to be reassured. I really wanted to hear a heartbeat. That always reassures me.
At the hospital the lady Dr that was on call, did some blood work but apparently didn't do any HCG levels on me. They just checked my iron and I had to do a urine sample because I had done a pregnancy test at the Dr's office and because it wasn't one that in the lab records they needed to be sure that I was pregnant. The lady Dr. was not sure if it was a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy and booked a ultrasound at the RD Hospital for 1pm the next day...Dylan's birthday. They told me to be on strict bed rest and not to lift Tyler especially.
That Friday, Oct 23rd, also Dylan's birthday, Dylan went into his work but came home at 9:30am to watch the children so that I could go to the ultrasound. I was really nervous the whole time. The ultrasound technician took me into the room and started doing the ultrasound. She didn't say anything and so I thought I would ask what the heart rate was for the baby. She looked at me with concern in her face and asked me if I had done a HCG blood work recently. I said no and then asked again, "What is my baby's heart rate and who do I see for these test results?" She responded with "I'm sorry, I don't see any sign of a fetus in your uterus. I'm sorry. I would like to do an internal ultrasound just to make sure. I suggest that you go back to your local hospital and see a dr there. They should have told you what to do after the ultrasound and who to see for test results." She was very gentle and kind and the look on her face pretty much said it all. I didn't comprehend it at 1st. I asked her "Can I see my baby on the screen?" I only asked this because with Rebekah and Trevor, they had tilted the screen so that I could see it. "I'm sorry, there is no baby that I can see." I was shocked. I started crying and I couldn't stop. She had left to show the radiologist and make sure that she got enough pictures and came back to say that I could go. I had stopped crying at this point and as I was walking in the hallways of the RD Hospital to leave and Dylan called my cellphone. That's when I found a small nook in the hallway and went in there and told him..."They can't find the baby..." Dylan asked what that meant and I said that they had suggested that I had a miscarriage or it was an ectopic pregnancy. I went to the van and cried. I couldn't control it. I had not seen any baby come out...just clots. I wasn't thoroughly convinced of the diagnosis but was upset with not being able to hear the heartbeat to reassure me. I drove back to the local hospital with tears on my cheeks. The u/s technician wanted me to go back there and get a blood work done for HCG and to chat with the Dr on call there about the test results of the ultrasound.
I got to the local hospital and they poked me for more bloodwork and spoke with my family Dr. who had asked me to come back at 5:30pm for the test results of the HCG and the ultrasound. I was shocked but wanted to get home to Dylan. At this point, I was not spotting but all I had was brown clots but no new blood. Dylan and I dropped off Rebekah and Trevor at a friend's house and we proceeded to go to the local hospital. When we got there, the HCG wasn't back but he told us that he would call us with those results. If the blood work was elevated, I most likely had an ectopic pregnancy and if there was nothing then I had miscarried. The Dr told me what the u/s tech had told me so there was nothing new there either. We went home. It was a really long weekend because I wasn't supposed to leave town in case I had severe bleeding or cramping, it was also long because the Dr didn't call us with the test results of the blood work.
Sunday, Oct 25th, I had gone to the bathroom and realized that after all weekend of small brown clots, I was now officially bleeding with clots but with no cramping. I thought I should go to bed and try to sleep. I woke up at 1:30am with severe cramping and of course lots of bleeding. I woke up Dylan and told him I was going in to the local hospital. Of course, by the time I got there, there was only one nurse and she was helping another couple. By the time that she helped me (she was incredibly slow!!!) the computers in the region were down for regular maintenance and because of that they couldn't get the test results and therefore couldn't give me anything for the pain either. The computers where down from 2am-4am. I was hooked up to an IV and waited, waited and waited. The Dr on call, came to see me at 7:30am and said that he was leaving me in the care of my family Dr who came to make rounds that morning yet but would give me some medicine for the pain. Finally at 8:30am my family Dr came into the room. He told me that my blood work from Friday was still elevated and ordered the lab tech to do another blood work for HCG. After that he told me that he spoke with a gynecologist in another City and was sending me to RD Hospital to do yet another ultrasound and to see the Dr there. So I was loaded into the ambulance and Dylan and kids left to go home get a couple things and then leave to meet me at the RD Hospital. I got there just after 10am and waited....the cramping stopped again and my bleeding was slowing down at this point. The Resident, who was EXCELLENT and will make a terrific Dr, came into see me 1st because the Dr was busy but this way things would be sped up. So I told my story AGAIN, (at this point I was really sick of telling it over and over and over!) The Resident, did an internal and pelvic exam and then the Dr came in. They also got the HCG results from earlier that morning also. They were still elevated but were going down...slowly. After discussing with the Resident (which was interesting because we actually learned along with him) the Dr then decided to do an ultrasound. He came back with an ultrasound machine and said to Rebekah, "If there is nothing in your Mommy's tummy then she's going home now but if there is something in there...we're keeping her for awhile." (Dylan had dropped off Trevor at a another friend's house but Rebekah wanted to see me in the hospital.) As the Dr was doing the ultrasound, he was showing us my kidneys, bladder, my fibroid in my uterus (which I vaguely remember being told I had one), and then there was a sack. He looked at Rebekah and said, "Looks like your Mom is going to be staying with us a little longer." I thought I saw a spine because it was long and white. but for the most part I could not make out anything else. By this time, I had cried so much, no tears were coming. The Dr gave me a towel to wipe my stomach, and sat down on the chair. "It's not an ectopic pregnancy. You have an incomplete miscarriage. You have 2 choices at this time. The 1st one is that I give you a vaginal pill that you must give to yourself and you will most likely be bleeding for 2 more weeks and then we do another ultrasound to make sure it's all out. If not, then we schedule a D&C. Or your 2nd choice is that we do a D&C." He looked at me and said "With your history of low iron, and what your iron level was with the last blood drawn, I believe that the 2nd option would be the best but the decision is ultimately yours." Dylan and I discussed it and went for the D&C option. I was scheduled for 8pm that night. I was moved into another room in the ER and at 6:30pm, I was transferred to the Surgical Short Stay Unit. Darryl came shortly after that. While Dylan's mom came and stayed over night with the kids at our house (she did stop in at the RD Hospital while I was in the ER to chat with me and then went to our house.) One nurse gave me a little package that they give to out to people who have lost babies with miscarriages. It was a nice little package with a hat, scarf and booties and some information on miscarriages and how to "cope" with them and other useful information. I was scheduled for 8pm and would mostly be going home that night still. Again, I waited and waited. Dylan left at 9:30pm because he had to work the next day, Tuesday, because he took part of Friday off and Monday. The nurse came in at 10:30pm and said that my surgery was still on and that they would probably just squeeze me in still that night. Not even 20 minutes later, another nurse came in carrying water. "I bring water and sad news...your surgery is cancelled and we don't know when your surgery will be rebooked tomorrow. I could be in the morning or afternoon, It's whenever they can get you in. So you can eat for one hour and then that's it. I'm sorry." Finally I was allowed to eat. I hadn't eaten since Sunday night and I was so hungry! I had a roommate, Carla, that was hearing impaired so she talked rather loudly and she was buzzing the nurses every hour but besides that I slept better then the night before.
The next morning came, Oct 27th, I had a shower (a big pain with an IV attached to you. I was also on my 5th bag of IV too.) and started to wonder the halls of the hospital. I was so bored and if I stayed in my room I just ended up thinking about the could of, should have and would have's and I was tired of crying and thinking and dwelling on the last few days. I thought I would find a magazine but because of the H1N1, they got rid of all their magazines. I went back to the room and waited again. I called Dylan and told him that I wasn't done yet and that they weren't sure when I was going to be done. Finally at 10:45am, I heard the phone ring at the nurses station and the nurses being told to get me ready for surgery. I went to the bathroom and got on the bed and they took me down to the OR. A nurse came and talked to me and then the anesthesiologist also. The Dr was supposed to talk with me too before the surgery but he didn't because he was late. The nurses got me prepped and ready and the anesthesiologist also. The phone in the OR room rang and then the nurse said to the other nurse, "He's coming down the elevator." I don't remember too much after that. They were right the surgery didn't take that long. I remember waking up and seeing the clock read 12:05pm. By the time, I was back on the Short Stay Unit it was closer to 1pm. Finally at 2pm the nurse said, is there someone we can call for you. I told them, yes, my hubby and so we called him. But because he was in Edmonton, the soonest that he would be there would be shortly after 4pm. I was feeling really well. One nurse on shift said that I shouldn't lift Trevor for one week but the discharge papers didn't say anything like that. I was discharged from the hospital at 5pm and couldn't wait to go home. I had alot of time to think in the hospital. Even though we don't know why it happened. I had a peace about it. I knew that my Baby was in Heaven and for that I was excited. I have had some people ask if we are going to try for another one. I don't like this question. It's not in our hands! I have no say in that! This is our 3rd miscarriage and because it seems to be alternating with us having children, there is nothing that they can do for us. I do have 2 beautiful and healthy children that I must focus on right now and I have one of each gender. My heart is heavy but I'm at peace on what went on and even though I don't understand the reasoning behind it, I AM AT PEACE with it.
2 Corinthians 1:3&4 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."James 1: 2-8
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